Vince McMahon is Dead
Vince McMahon, Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment, walked through the hallway like a zombie, slowly and without direction. His head was up, his eyes facing forward, but his mind was half a million miles away. Something was not right. Over the past few days the usually brash Mr. McMahon had become disturbingly withdrawn. He was having strange thoughts, unsettling premonitions about his of his own demise. Visions of billowing black clouds and bizarre monologues bounced through his brain.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil… ashes to ashes, dust to dust!”
McMahon said none of this aloud; he walked silently past his employees, the shirtless men and scantily clad women lining the hallway of the Wachovia Center in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania . Their eyes followed the Chairman suspiciously as he made his way through the hall. McMahon was in a foul mood, and they knew better than to test his legendary temper. The looks they gave him spoke volumes, the stares betraying their disdain. McMahon pretended not to notice, paying them no mind as he pushed open the heavy blue metal doors and stepped out into the cool summer night.
A slight breeze blew across the empty parking lot and McMahon paused, breathing it in deeply. He had just finished performing in the WWE’s weekly “Monday Night Raw” television show, and he was tired. That night’s show was to have been his “defining moment,” an entire evening dedicated to honoring the man he respected most, himself. However, “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night,” as it was called, was a disaster. Former employees returned to give their thoughts on the man and his career, and not a one of them had anything remotely positive to say. The whole show had been a fiasco, an embarrassment that only served to darken McMahon’s already bleak disposition. McMahon headed across the deserted parking lot towards his limousine. Stopping, he frowned and turned back towards the door. He should march right back in there and fire them all, every single damn one of them. He built this company single-handedly, he paid all their salaries, he’d made them all into stars. They’d be nothing without him. This was the thanks he’d gotten? They turned him into a laughing stock on live television.
No, McMahon shook his head, resuming his solitary walk. He’d had enough for one night. All he needed now was a stiff drink and a good night’s sleep. He arrived at his large white limousine, which was idling next to two WWE production trailers. McMahon bent slowly, reaching for the door of the limo. He let his hand linger on the handle for a second, hesitating, his fingers motionless on the silver-chrome. Finally, he pulled the door open and entered the limousine. With one foot still on the black top McMahon hesitated again before drawing his leg into the car and slamming the door behind him.
An enormous explosion ripped it’s way through the limousine sending a shower of sparks and sound into the quiet evening. The entire vehicle was engulfed in flame. There was no sign of Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
******This Article is Fake*******
June 12, 2008
Feds probe crime scene
CRAIG TELLO, WWE.COM
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. WWE.com has learned that United States federal agents have arrived at the crime scene in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., where Mr. McMahon was presumed dead less than 24 hours ago. As rumored, given the severity and nature of the explosion, by law, federal authorities have taken full control of the investigation.
As first speculated in previous reports by WWE.com, federal authorities confirmed that a body was not recovered from the limousine’s blackened remains. Investigators believe that Mr. McMahon’s body could possibly have been incinerated in the blast.
With the initial stages of the federal investigation underway in Pennsylvania, authorities have closed the crime scene to check for DNA evidence that may lead to additional information on last night’s shocking events. Forensic experts are scouring the scene and are expected to comb through the wreckage for the next few days in an attempt to find even the most minimal trace of Mr. McMahon’s body.
In addition, explosives experts have arrived in Wilkes-Barre to thoroughly examine the limousine and determine what type of device may have been used in connection with the incident. In the earliest stages of probing, authorities are analyzing each fragment of debris and gathering clues to build their investigation.
At approximately 11:07 p.m. ET last night, the WWE Chairman left the Wachovia Arena and stepped into his stretch limo, which almost instantly combusted before the eyes of millions watching Raw on TV. The sight of the explosion with Mr. McMahon inside the limo drew an eerie hush to an audience that had been wound with excitement just moments earlier during the live WWE Draft. This incident is the first of its kind on U.S. soil since the mid-1970s.
Instants after the blaze was controlled by firefighters in the late morning hours, the charred vehicle was scoured for the Chairman’s remains. Rescue workers and authorities were puzzled by what they found: nothing. Federal agents shared this perplexed state this morning, confirming that a body has yet to be recovered within the melted heap that was once Mr. McMahon’s limo.
Earlier today, WWE.com reached out to representatives of the McMahon family. These representatives stated that the grief-stricken family of the Chairman had no comments to offer at this time, but told reporters that something may be forthcoming in the near future.
As more details become available, continue to check back with WWE.com for exclusive coverage of one of the most shocking events in history. June 12, 2007
******This Article is Not Fake*******Vince McMahon’s hoax goes up in smoke
RORY SWEENEY, WILKES-BARRE TIMES-LEADER
WILKES-BARRE TWP. – Did Vince McMahon, who’s bluffed and blustered his way into the ringmaster’s role of the testosterone-fueled soap opera that is professional wrestling, really fall for the old bomb-in-the-limo trick?
Though World Wrestling Entertainment would have you believe otherwise, the answer is no.
“No one was in any danger,” said Steve Poremba of Monday night’s WWE RAW spectacle at the Wachovia Arena, though he would not elaborate until WWE had sent out a news release. Despite articles on the wrestling federation’s Web site that firefighters and federal agents are investigating, workers at the Luzerne County 911 Center confirmed that it was “a stunt” and that no emergency vehicles were called to the arena on Monday night.
FBI officials have not yet returned a call.
But fans from across the country have been contacting local media to confirm reports that McMahon, the chairman of the board of WWE, was blown up in a fiery limo-bombing on his very own “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night,” which was televised on USA Network. McMahon had walked out of the building to the waiting vehicle, so fans inside the arena saw the same televised live scene.
Only it was wasn’t live. Supervised by Zenith Pyrotechnology, based in Deer Park, N.Y., the explosion was actually filmed at the arena late Saturday night, the footage of the burning hulk taped Sunday night and the whole mess spliced together, said Andy Kratz, the township’s zoning officer.
“They did it, I believe, at 11 o’clock at night until 3 a.m. so no one would be around,” he said, adding that it was done in a section generally blocked from public view by the building and surrounding land features.
The pyrotechnics company had to get permits, which Kratz said they did about a week ago. “We have pyrotechnics shows in the arena all the time” for wrestling and ice skating, among other things, he said. “They say they do this quite a bit,” but usually not outside.
Representatives of the pyrotechnics company have not returned calls for comment.
The stunt seems to be part of an ongoing story of McMahon’s spiral into insanity, which wwe.com has been supporting with repeated updates of the faux-bombing story.
WWE representatives have not yet returned a call for comment.
*******Vince McMahon, as the Wilkes-Barre Times-Leader revealed, did not die in a limousine explosion. It’s called kayfabe. Pronounced kei-feib, the word comes from carny slang, meaning, “protect the secrets of the business.” Kayfabe refers to planned events that take place within the professional wrestling universe. These events are staged, but they are presented to audiences as real. Kayfabe functions as the imaginary barrier that separates the real world and the world in the ring. It is the cloak of secrecy that is draped over the wrestling business, the code of silence that protects professional wrestling from the outside world.
Vince McMahon’s death took place in kayfabe; it was “a work.” A work, as it is used in professional wrestling, is a term that also claims its roots in the carnival. It means, “working the crowd” and is the way carnies, and now wrestlers, are able to hype and promote their attractions and shows. By faking his own death, Vince McMahon was working to garner attention, and hopefully ratings, for his company and their products. Professional wrestling has been using the same simple formula for decades; controversy creates cash. Anything that draws interest, positive or negative is good for ratings. The more cutting-edge, controversial, and edgy, the work, the better. McMahon’s stunt, if you’ll pardon the pun, worked. The Lycos 50, a service that tracks internet search trends, reported that in the week following his “demise,” searches for “Vince McMahon” saw a whopping 9,800 percent spike in searches from the previous week. This dwarfed the next largest gainer, “The Sopranos” by 9,581 percent. Additionally, “WWE” became the second most popular search, finishing second only to recently jailed hotel-heiress and socialite Paris Hilton. McMahon, by faking his own death, the stunt, though crass and perhaps a bit off-color, was a great way to earn attention, ratings and cash.